


Adrift

by Tigerine (sealink)



Category: Free!
Genre: Intercrural Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 01:17:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sealink/pseuds/Tigerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After high school, Rei heads off to a prestigious university in Tokyo to study. Without the constant company of his friends, he throws himself into his studies. When a chance meeting with Makoto makes Rei's heart ache for Iwatobi, Makoto makes his move!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Adrift

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sugarblaster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarblaster/gifts).



> This work was inspired by the interview given by series composition writer Yokotani Masahiro in Prince Animage. At the end of the interview, the following questions are asked and answered:
> 
> —In closing, how do you imagine the futures of these five boys?  
> Yokotani: I fantasize pretty seriously about what their futures will be, in my own way. Haruka will stay in his hometown, becoming a swimming club coach and doing what he likes. Meanwhile, Makoto will study at a university in Tokyo. Nagisa will take a job at a business company in their hometown, working as a company worker. 
> 
> —His personality is very fitting for business.  
> Yokotani: Also, Rei will go to a university in Tokyo majoring in science. Everyone will step away from competitive swimming temporarily, while Rin alone aims for the Olympics. Then in the year 2020, they’ll turn on the TV and go “Ah!”
> 
> I can't speak highly enough of the generosity of sugarblaster and great-blaster on tumblr in sharing the interviews and translating them. I hope I have produced something you will want to read.

I didn’t expect to see anyone I knew outside of my cohort there. My lab professor was still talking to our hosted speaker, gesturing about some point he made during his presentation.  Other auditoriums in the main hall were emptying as well, their audiences filing piecemeal out into the hall where bad coffee and cookies waited for anyone who was desperate enough to try them. I usually slipped a few into a napkin for later; calories in directly correlated to work out. If I was starving I wouldn’t be able to work. It was that simple.

I leafed through one of the papers I’d printed out that morning, looking it over idly while waiting for the rest of the group to file out and walk towards the lab. Talks in the evening for university students were common, and a good way to make connections. I’d need them in a few years when I graduated and started working on my own or went to graduate school. So I wasn’t really looking to recognize anyone. Most of the people were milling around my lab professor. I don’t think I heard him the first time he called my name.

“Rei!” It rang out again, my name, hanging nakedly in the air.

My professor and a few members of my lab group looked at me and then down the long, cavernous foyer. It was those looks that finally made me realize it was _me_ someone was calling for; no one in Tokyo would use my first name in such a familiar manner.  Embarrassed by the noise, I turned to correct this case of mistaken identity and send them on their way.

I recognized him instantly by his height and the breadth of his shoulders, by his mousy brown hair and his eyes like olivine. I knew him by his smile.

“Makoto-senpai!”

His face split in a grin and he lifted his hand from where it was cupped around his mouth and waved at me.  I didn’t even realize I was running to see him. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed anyone from Iwami-cho until he was standing here in front of me.

“How have you been?!” I exclaimed as we clasped forearms and clapped each other on the back.

“I’m fine,” he replied warmly. I felt his voice thrum through my chest, my first close human contact in weeks. I had rarely seen Makoto by himself while we were all together. He was always flanked by Haruka or I was always with Nagisa. There had been few times when Makoto and I were without our respective “other halves”.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, backing out of the hug.

“I was actually here for a talk,” he said, nodding at one of the lecture halls.

“Really?? Are you at Tokodai too?” It was entirely likely that I might have missed him at Tokodai; it was a large school, and many of the labs focused so intensely on producing results that time for outside socialization was limited. I didn’t think he’d applied to any schools with such rigorous science backgrounds; science didn’t really seem to be Makoto’s strongest subject.  To be honest, I had been as surprised as Nagisa when Makoto announced he was attending university in Tokyo. I always wondered if there had been something more to that decision than he cared to share with us.

“No, I’m at Komazawa,” he replied, smiling and waving his hands, dismissing my words.

I couldn’t really hide the look of surprise on my face. “That’s a ways to come for a seminar.”

Makoto’s smile gave rise to an uncomfortable chuckle. “It was by a professor I really admire.”

“Oh! My professor!” In the joy of seeing a familiar face, I had completely forgotten about my lab leader. I turned to look for my cohort. More and more of them had drifted away after the talk ended, wandering off to continue lab work or grab some food before continuing lab work. I myself didn’t have anything more exciting for the evening planned than a night of reading papers, highlighter in one hand and cup noodles in the other.

“Just… stay right there,” I said. “I’ll be right back.” 

He smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Okay,” he said easily, picking up one foot and balancing it on the toe of the other.

Kawamura-sensei was a gentle, clean-shaven man in his late forties with rimless glasses. He smiled at me as I approached. “Ryugazaki-kun, will you be in the lab later this evening?”

It was an innocent question, one that might have just been trying to determine whether someone would be in the lab tonight. But it briefly stunned me. If I went into the lab, I was a good and diligent student. I deserved the praise of my professor. I would be trusted with tasks and research and maybe even get an author credit on his next paper. _Fortune favors the bold._

_And yet…_

Makoto was here; he was my comrade, part of _that_ group of friends, and we had all been close throughout high school. His warm expression had already made me nearly giddy at the thought of talking with someone from home, someone with whom I had shared struggle and success. We were both university students, living separate, busy lives. Even with Komazawa being a comparatively close school, who knew if I would get the chance to see him again?

“No, sensei,” I said. “I have just run into an old friend of mine.”

Kawamura-sensei’s face softened and my heart leapt. “Old friends are the best sort of friends, Ryugazaki-kun.”

“I promise I’ll come in early tomorrow and help with opening the lab and cleaning the glassware-!”

“If you insist,” he replied, his eyes twinkling.

“Yes, sir.” I could barely contain my excitement and turned to rejoin Makoto. His eyes were on me, watching me as I picked up my stack of papers and my bag from the bench in front of the lecture hall. There was something in his gaze, something unfamiliar, but it didn’t stick with me. It was lost in my own euphoria. For the first time in the year since I’d left for university, I’d made a selfish choice that didn’t have anything to do with my coursework. It felt like magic.

“Sorry for the wait.”

Makoto chuckled. “It’s fine.”

“Should we get some dinner?” 

Makoto blinked and then smiled. “Sure! What’s good around here?”

We ended up walking to a yakiniku place several blocks away. The temperature was dropping precipitously, as it does in the evening in late fall, when the sun’s warmth is easily lost to clear, wintery skies. Makoto was huddled into his jacket and kept pace with me, his long legs taking lazier strides. The warmth of the restaurant made the rosy spots in Makoto’s cheeks bloom further. 

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” He sounded completely at ease. He shrugged out of his jacket, draping it over the chair next to him. He was wearing a charcoal grey sweater with deep ribs and a wide collar. His shoulders filled it well.

“Yes, it has!” I looked down, not even really caring what I ordered. Meat was something I rarely ate any more. It was too expensive on a student budget. The waitress took our order and Makoto folded his hands together, resting them on the table.

“How is Komazawa?”

“Hmm? Oh, it’s a good school. I’m enjoying it a lot.”

“What did you end up going for?”

“Social work.”  He smiled, his eyes lighting up. “It’s only preliminary coursework, but I have a professor that I’m helping. He works with substance abuse clinics and is focusing on reaching out to troubled youth.” The waitress came by, dropping a clean grate into the grill on the table and turning on the burner.

“Troubled youth, huh?” I couldn’t help a small smile. Makoto ended up being in the line of work where he could help people. He launched into an explanation of the methods they were using, and his animated expression spoke volumes. He couldn’t really conceal his enthusiasm; it crept into his hands, and he gesticulated more than was usual. It was comforting. He had found another team in Tokyo, doing the same kind of work, helping others.

“What’s that look about?” He’d caught my smile.

“Nothing, it just seems like you’ve found a good place for yourself, Makoto-senpai.”

“Aah, you think so?” His grin was genuine, and the slightly embarrassed way he reached for the back of his neck made my heart warm. It was good to see him, especially since he was so clearly happy with where he was.

“So what are you doing at Tokodai?”

He wanted to know about my work? “Ah, my cohort is doing work with bioremediation.”

“Bio…remediation?” The words I knew so well sounded unsure in his mouth.

The waitress brought a tray of meat and side dishes, sliding sauces and small plates onto our respective sides of the table. We each laid a few strips of beef onto the grill, the sizzle and pop of cooking filling the space between us.

“I’m still doing coursework, but my lab has been working with a microorganism that we think might help solve problems of radioactivity after industrial accidents.”

“Ah, like at Fukushima?”

 “Exactly! It’s not a perfect choice, though. It’s a hardy creature, but it doesn’t naturally possess the ability to drop radioactive ions out of solution.” I flipped the thin, curling slices of meat on my side of the grill. “So we’re working on finding genes from other microorganisms that will give it this ability.”

He let me rattle on about my work for quite a while, only asking questions when I paused to eat. It felt good to explain it to someone who knew basically nothing about it. Explaining why something matters, why something is important, to someone who isn’t involved has a way of awakening your passions. I hadn’t felt this excited about my work in weeks: the drudgery of maintaining the lab and the familiar faces that moved like clockwork through pipetting and time points had crushed my spirit a little. And though I didn’t think I had the same look that Makoto did when he talked about his work, I firmly believed that we were doing the same kind of thing: helping people.

“Have you been home lately?” The question fell out of my mouth naturally. Thinking so much about teamwork, about helping others, it seemed like the next thing that we should talk about.

He shook his head in reply, pursing his lips slightly. “Haven’t had time. My course load has been intense.”  The way he said it didn’t sound like someone who was stressed about their classes; he seemed sort of resigned to the state of things. “You?”

“Not for a few months. Before the summer,” I replied, nodding slightly to the waitress as she brought me a cup of tea. I wrapped my still-chilled fingers around it.

 “Yeah, that’s about the last time I got back there as well.” Makoto smiled as she set down his water; it was an old habit acquired from Haruka-senpai. He took a small sip and then a larger one, as if he remembered he wouldn’t have to share it. Who knew how many years Makoto had shared water with Haruka?

“Did you see Haruka-senpai while you were there?” The conflicted look on Makoto’s face made me wonder if I had overstepped my bounds. His smile dimmed and he used his straw to chase an ice cube around the rim of his water glass.

“He didn’t have much spare time. He was setting up for the summer season.”

“Oh, of course. At the swimming club.”

“Yeah.”

Makoto smiled, but to me, it seemed strained. I had seen Makoto’s genuine smile before, and this one didn’t reach his eyes.

“What about Nagisa? Have you spoken to him lately?”

My eyes fell away from Makoto’s face, looking down at the condensation on his water glass, the silt at the bottom of my cup of tea. _Nagisa._ My first love—my only love, up until that point. As a boyfriend, he’d been playful, gentle, with devilish fingers and a mouth to match. Unbidden, the smell of his chlorinated hair drifted through my mind and I couldn’t suppress a small sigh.

“Well, the last time we talked was in June.”

“June?” Makoto’s voice lifted in a question.

I realized then, not for the first time, that Makoto’s very nature pressed against the people he met. Whether by the power of suggestion or just by the naked display of emotion on his face, Makoto influenced and molded everyone with whom he interacted. If he was aware of this, he used it to his advantage to affect the people around him, working to smooth relationships and forge new paths ahead. Even Haruka yielded to him, once he settled on an outcome. Makoto was like a force of nature.

He was worried; it was plain on his face. He had always been easy to read. It wasn’t a negative thing, really. He had been like this since I had met him in high school, the truth of his emotions easy for anyone to see. It made me feel like he could be trusted. I wanted to confide in him.

 “Yeah. He wanted to start seeing other people.”

“What??”

 I looked up at Makoto, smiling apologetically at the shock in his voice.  “The long-distance relationship was hard for him.”

The meal was nearly done; the meat was gone, the side dishes consumed. The waitress came by and collected our dishes. I wrapped my fingers around my mug, spinning it on the table, feeling my cheeks grow hot. All of everything Nagisa and I had ever done paraded through my mind, even in front of my eyes. The twinkle in his eyes, the soft, pale curve of his hip. My memories, my _experience_ of Nagisa was a blue one, half of him lit like the bottom of a pool, the other half in the dim light of a bedroom. 

“I can’t really blame him. The truth is that it was hard on me as well.” I took a sip of my tea, washing away Nagisa; it was bitter, but also sweet.  My eyes drifted back up to Makoto’s. “It’s hard to be separated from someone you love. Surely, you understand, Makoto-senpai? With Haruka-senpai?”

Makoto blushed, smiling, but it was a pained smile. His voice was… regretful. “Haru… only had eyes for one person.”

Ice knifed through my heart.  Not only had I assumed that he and Haruka… but to learn that it was unrequited…!  “Makoto-senpai, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean—“

Makoto’s devotion to Haruka almost certainly had been the only thing that kept Haruka going during the years that Rin had been estranged from them. The human contact kept Haruka from floating away. Although I remembered that day at regionals with the rest of them, the strange relay that brought Rin back to his friends, the elation and relief in Haruka was easy to understand. Rin was an important person to Makoto and Haruka alike, but if Haruka had only ever been drawn to Rin in _that way_ , and not Makoto?  I remembered Makoto being strong and supportive that day as well, and he must have known, even then…

It must have been clear to Makoto at that moment that Haruka no longer needed him.

 “It’s okay.” Makoto’s expression softened. “It really is. I was happy when he depended on me.”  He fell quiet as the waitress brought the bill. I reached for my wallet, but Makoto was quicker than I was, and there was a bank note on the tray before I could even fish my wallet out of my pocket.

He waved me away as I opened my mouth to protest, reaching for his jacket and standing up. This kind of inequitable treatment was uncomfortable for me. It occurred to me that a senpai might do such a thing for his kouhai, but truthfully, we had not had that kind of relationship for at least two years, ever since he left Iwami-cho for Tokyo. I still called him Makoto-senpai out of habit more than anything else. I gathered my things and walked out after him.

The temperature outside had dropped even more since sunset. I looked up at the clear night sky; the darkness seemed to swallow up more of the ambient light from the city than usual. My breath was coming out in clouds. I exhaled hard, watching a swollen knot of vapor drift lazily up and I heard a small snicker next to me. Makoto was looking at me and then opened his mouth and breathed out. I watched his breath rise up, billowing, in the light of the restaurant’s sign.

When I looked at him again, his face was slightly wistful; my hand drifted to the back of my neck. My cheeks felt hot: to have been caught doing something so childish in front of him was a little embarrassing. At least I could change the subject.

“Makoto-senpai, let me pay for my share—“

“You can get it next time,” he said easily, shoving his hands down into his pockets.

Next time? My heart skipped a beat in a strange way. Was this going to be a regular occasion?

“I guess so,” I said reluctantly. “I should probably head home.”

“Do you live far from here?”

“Hn, not very.”

“I’ll walk with you.”

“What, really?” I looked at the clock on my phone.  “You won’t miss your train?”

Makoto rolled his shoulders in a shrug. “There’s time.”

Our footsteps were brisk; the cold sped us forward down the narrow sidewalk. It was an unseasonable cold snap for Tokyo; usually we wouldn’t have temperatures this cold until a month later, just into the New Year.

“ ‘S cold,” I offered lamely, while we waited at a crosswalk.  

He laughed, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. “Yeah, it is, a bit.”

The light changed. “It’s supposed to get down near 5° C tonight.”

“That low?”

“Yeah.”  

“Well, spring will be here before we know it.”

Spring made me want to run. It always felt good to uncoil yourself from under the kotatsu after winter, to get outdoors without needing a heavy coat. It brought to mind the crowning glories of sakura that lined the walkways of so many gardens and roads. There was something satisfactory, too, about the radial symmetry of a cherry blossom, and how fragile it was. Seas of cherry blossoms adrift in the wind, the falling petals glittering in the strengthening morning sunlight, and their silvery elegance after nightfall; it was beautiful.

We were nearly to my apartment, hidden back on a narrow street under knitted power lines and cabling. The buzz of a nearby transformer echoed off the walls of buildings.

 “For some reason, I can’t ever think of spring without thinking of the _sakura_ trees around the pool at Iwatobi,” I said out loud.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Makoto turn his head towards me. I shivered, from the cold, surely.

I fished around in my bag for my keys. “Do you still swim, Makoto?”

He lifted his eyebrows and gave a soft grunt of surprise; it was nearly lost in our footsteps as we climbed the stairs to my apartment. “When I get the chance,” he answered, finally. “Between the availability of a pool and my schedule, I don’t get the opportunity much. Actually,” he said with a smile, “I took up running.”

I stopped in front of my door, my keys in the lock and the smile on my face fading as I placed the source of Makoto’s surprise. I had called him by his name alone.

When I turned to look at him, I had an apology prepared, honestly. But he didn’t seem offended or in a bad mood at all. He was smiling, in fact. His eyes were half-lidded and he blinked lazily, almost sleepily. But his smile was one that I hadn’t seen on Makoto. The way he stood seemed anticipatory, as if he might lean forward at any moment. When combined with his hooded eyes and languorous gaze, he looked like a predator.

I realized I’d been standing there in the cold, staring at Makoto with my mouth half-open for several seconds before I snapped my mouth shut and chuckled nervously. Makoto’s smile didn’t change, and if anything, the way he watched me was beginning to make my pulse race. I checked my phone.

“You were right. You have plenty of time to make your train.”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks for dinner. And the walk.”

“I had a lot of fun.” He folded his arms around himself, clapping his hands against his upper arms. He jerked his head in the direction of the staircase. “I should…get going.”

“Yeah.”

I watched him turn away, tugging the collar of his jacket snugly against the back of his neck, and I realized that I didn’t want him to go yet. The night was over too soon, my time near him too brief.

“Makoto, would you like to come i—“ I began, but I didn’t really get a chance to finish. Makoto was next to me in two strides. One hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me against him; the other was at the small of my back, pressing me close. I could feel his warmth even through his jacket.  I might have guessed what was coming next, but that it was Makoto doing it made my knees go weak.

He ducked his head and I closed my eyes instinctively as lips cold from the night air pressed hard against mine. His hand left my wrist and I felt his fingers brush across my cheek before settling against my jaw. My skin sizzled with sensation; I gasped into his mouth and his lips opened against mine. His tongue— _Makoto’s tongue_ —dipped between my lips and I couldn’t help but respond, my tongue gliding into his mouth.  I dropped my bag, or rather, I didn’t care to hold it any more.  I wanted to wrap my arms around Makoto.

He made a noise of alarm at the thud, breaking our kiss to look at my bag on the ground and then back to me. “Are you okay?”

I nodded quickly, and he reached down, hooking his forearm through the strap. I pressed my fingers to my lips. Makoto kissed me. _I kissed Makoto._

“I was going to ask you if you wanted to come in,” I said, lamely. “But it seems like something else might happen now…”

I didn’t mean to sound as uncertain as I did. It was more that there was so much new information to process, and being so close to him, so close to the kiss, was unsettling.

“Is… would that be okay?”

I blushed straight up to my hairline, even past my hairline; I felt like I was going to just melt. I couldn’t even meet his eyes, direct as they were. He smiled and then looked away, his soft sigh visible in the chill. “I didn’t plan for something like this.”

“Makoto, this is…” I turned, spinning my keys in the lock and wrenching the door open. “This is not something we should discuss outside.”

My apartment was cold. Really cold. I slipped my shoes off, padding into the main room and dropping my bag and jacket next to my small bookshelf before yanking on the cord to turn on the light. This was one of the older apartment buildings in the area, and still had tatami in the main living space. I turned the small space heater on and it whirred to life. If things… came to fruition, there was no point in turning on the heater under the low table. The skin on the back of my neck turned hot and prickly at the thought.

Makoto murmured a pleasantry as he entered, his coat hung on the hook by the door. He stepped in, his large frame filling the room.

“Do you want a drink?” I asked, tucking my hands in my back pockets. “I have some tea and there’s always water…”

He settled down on the tatami, sitting casually. “Water is fine.” 

I grabbed two cups and filled them, setting them on the table and then settling down on my knees with my feet folded under me. How do I begin this? This morning I was in this apartment, vaguely lonely, but happy with my work and my studies. There had already been so many revelations today, and I had thought that Makoto and Haruka not being a couple would be the biggest, but this… it was too much.

We opened our mouths to speak at the same time, but Makoto gestured to me with an open palm and I looked hard at him. “Makoto, I think I need to say something.” I took a deep breath and had to physically lean forward to get my words out. “Please don’t think of me as a replacement. For Haruka-senpai.”

Makoto was silent for a few moments. “Rei, that’s not—“

“I’m not saying no.” My blush crept back into my cheeks and my hands balled up into fists on my lap. Even saying something like this, I couldn’t look at him directly. “But I do not want to be a replacement for someone else. I… deserve more than that.”

“Rei…”

Conscious of Makoto’s eyes on me, I smoothed the legs of my pants. “You said you didn’t plan this. What did you mean by ‘this’?”

Makoto smiled uneasily, one eyebrow rising apologetically. “I didn’t know if I’d see you again after I graduated, so I wasn’t planning on saying anything. But,” he added, his face turning serious, “I think that I have to, now.”

I nodded, daring to meet his eyes, and recognizing the Makoto I’d known in high school. Gentle, strong, and long-suffering. He had the same look in his eyes that he’d worn during the times we’d sat around talking about ourselves, the look of an old friend.

“Rei, you—do you remember your first training camp?”

As if I could have ever forgotten that. What a whirlwind it had been, a cocktail of saltwater, pride, terror, and exhaustion. A desperate swim against the rolling waves, the crack of lightning and the storm-stained memories of stronger bonds of friendship. “Y-yeah.”

“I—up until that time—only thought of you as my teammate. You were trying so hard and I admired you for that.  After that night, I started to think differently about you. It sounds bad to say that I only started then, but I started to think of you as a person who was important to me.”

Was it because he’d nearly died trying to save my life? Was it because of the mortifying stories we’d told in the lighthouse? Did I have anywhere near the connection with him that he had with Haruka?

“An important person? Like Haruka-senpai?”

His face was apologetic and he tilted his head, as if to say, _well, yes_. Was he saying that this… he’s felt this way all this time?  No, it wasn’t that. It was more like, I became a complete person to him. More than just a teammate or comrade, but someone he cared about and wanted to protect.

“After that, I didn’t feel like it was appropriate to approach you. I had other commitments—“

I folded my arms across my chest. “Like Haruka-senpai.”

Again, his apologetic look. “Well, yeah. It didn’t seem like something I should take advantage of, as your senpai. Then, you and Nagisa…”

I clenched my jaw. Nagisa’s name felt like an accusation after the kiss, but I realized that I didn’t feel embarrassed about kissing Makoto. I’d thought I would have hung on to more of what Nagisa and I had together. Maybe living in the city had made me cold and unfeeling, or maybe it was the separation from him, but Nagisa had lost his power to pluck my heartstrings. I remembered him fondly, but hearing Makoto acknowledge our relationship, hearing us paired together in his voice drew out a feeling that I’d been avoiding putting a name to: acceptance.

“Yeah. Nagisa and I,” I repeated.

“There was never a good time.”  I heard Makoto take a deep breath and looked up in time to see his lips quiver. “That…changed at regionals.”

Regionals. That bizarre relay that had brought estranged Rin back into the fold. I didn’t miss the silent, standoffish Haruka Nanase, who seemed to disappear completely after that time. I didn’t miss the anger and fury of Rin, quelled by reconciliation. I didn’t miss Nagisa’s efforts to play the clown and smooth things over with everyone, when a wound that festered needed to be cleansed. I didn’t miss Makoto’s role as mediator between Haruka and Rin, and the tenacity that must have required of him. My teammates, my friends. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for them then, or now. They were precious to me. Their joy, their relief, their elation belonged to me as well, experiencing it as vicariously as I did.

The event didn’t loom large in my mind, but to Makoto it must have been enormous.

“I realized,” Makoto said quietly, a hint of a tremor in his voice, “that you might be the kind of person I could fall in love with.”

My heart thundered in my ears and I had to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. He’d said it.

“Haru didn’t need me as much. He found his reasons to swim, to move forward into the future. I was thankful for that. I didn’t have to worry about him. As much,” he added.

Haruka learning that his friends were the greatest source of strength might have been the greatest gift he ever received, but I didn’t think I’d had much to do with that. He had come to that realization himself.  If Rin hadn’t been receptive, it all would have been for nothing. If Rin and Haruka had returned to the way they were before their friendship had fractured, before Rin left for Australia, then Haruka’s eyes moved naturally back to Rin.

I looked at Makoto. His shoulders were low, his hands folded in his lap, his eyes directed at the tatami. That wistful look of remembrance made my chest ache. He’d seen the person he’d had strong feelings for turn away, and perhaps even seek comfort in someone else’s arms. And I had been caught up with Nagisa...

“Is that why you only applied to schools in Tokyo?”

“Yeah.” He didn’t look up from where his gaze traced the straw in the tatami. “I didn’t want to be so close to home.”

So close to home. So close to the people that he’d grown up with and strived with. Instead of relying on the people closest to him, he’d chosen to leave Iwami-cho.  He’d been serious when he said he wouldn’t have said anything. I realized that he wouldn’t have said anything at all, ever. Not to Haruka, and not to me.

“Running away from something isn’t like you, Makoto.”

He chuckled, the sound half-formed and wistful. “It wasn’t running away. It was more like…” he paused, looking for the words. “It was more like, I lost my anchor. I’d been set adrift. I wanted to see where that would take me.”

His anchor, Haruka. So he thought he’d drift to Tokyo, find new friends, start over? Bury himself in his studies until he forgot Haruka and the way he’d been passed over? Until he forgot all of us and our friendship? Until he forgot me?

“And today?”

Makoto looked up at me, smiling and rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, that really was an accident. I knew you were in Tokyo, but it’s so big here I didn’t think I’d see you. ” His smile changed and deepened. It reached his eyes, partly hidden as they were by his hair, and he tilted his head, regarding me.

“But when I saw you,” he said softly. Makoto leaned forward, crawling on his hands and knees toward me.  His arms enfolded me in the tightest hug I’d ever had. I felt his hands on my shoulder blades, the way his fingers clutched at me, the way they bent and trembled against my back. “When I saw you,” he murmured again, “I felt like I’d been given another chance.”

I melted into him, wrapping my arms around his back and burying my face in the side of his neck, breathing him in. He shivered and held me even more tightly.

“Makoto...”

“Yes?” The vulnerability in his voice, the way it quavered, the thread of hope that snaked through it tugged at me.

“I accept your feelings.”

He pulled back, holding me by the shoulders and looking at me, his green eyes widening in shock. “Really??”

I smiled at him, watching his face, the way his mouth was half-open and his eyebrows shot up. And then relief, closely followed by excitement. His eyes softened and his face split in a wide grin. I reached up and touched the side of his face. He pressed his cheek into my hand, his eyelids fluttering down. My heart ached for him and I felt the sting of tears gathering at the corners of my eyes. Somehow, this seemed so right. I took his other cheek in my other hand and brought him in for a kiss.

This kiss was as different from the first as night and day, a starving man and one who had a banquet laid out before him. Makoto’s mouth shuddered against mine, a gasp escaping him as we embraced fully. His hands cupped my face, his lips plucking at mine, releasing and capturing them again and again.

“Makoto—the—futon—“ I managed between kisses.

“Not yet,” he said huskily, dragging his mouth down my jaw line and nipping at my neck, relishing my yelp of surprise. “I can’t stop yet. Not yet,” he said again, pulling aside the collar of my shirt and leaving a trail of hungry kisses across my shoulder.

The sound of his kisses in the small room reminded me of fireworks and I thrilled to the smack of each one on my shoulder and then back up my neck. My abdomen tightened; it had been so long that I had forgotten the kind of electricity a lover’s touch could send arcing through me. I slid my hands under the hem of his sweater, pulling at his shirt.

Makoto’s mouth ceased wandering, pressed against my ear. At the first touch of my cool fingers on his sides, he groaned in delight. “No, you were right,” he ground out. “The futon.”

We broke apart reluctantly, our hands clasping at each other, and dragged the folded futon from the corner, slinging sheets and blankets onto it as fast as we could manage. Before I’d even tossed the pillow down, Makoto peeled his sweater and shirt off all at once, hurling them aside. I tugged my shirt off over my head, unseating my glasses. I didn’t even have time to straighten them before Makoto gently pulled them off my face, folding them flat and turning to set them on the table.

I had only just begun tugging my belt off when Makoto held me from behind, and I felt him pressed against my backside. He rained down kisses on my neck and shoulders, but his hands snaked around and pulled apart my belt, fumbling with the button and then the zipper, and then he pushed down heavily around my hips, leaving my pants pooled around my ankles. I stepped out of them, kicking them aside and turned in his arms. His fingers grazed my skin, unwilling to be out of contact with me for any length of time.

He was as beautiful as I’d remembered. No, he was even more beautiful now, beheld with a lover’s eyes. His chest rose and fell rapidly; he was nearly as out of breath as I was. I kissed across his chest, ducking my head to lick one of his nipples and smiling to myself as goose bumps rose on his skin. I palmed him through his pants, surprised at how hard he was already. A glance at his face captured me; I couldn’t look away from his darkened, intense eyes. He blinked slowly, and I watched his eyes begin to roll back in his head even before his eyelids began to lower. It was one of the most erotic things I’d ever seen.

His belt yielded easily, but the button at the waistband of his pants proved more stubborn, especially given the way his erection was straining at the fabric. I watched my fingers fumble with the button, cursing the way they shook. Undressing him with my own hands made my blood throb; the tightness in my abdomen swelled down into my groin. Once that button was undone, I’d be able to see all of him. It was so different from the locker room, where everyone was cold and wet and just wanted to get changed and head home or out somewhere. But here, warm and dry and alone, his body was mine to look at, and mine alone.

My hands slid down between his clothes and his skin, and he sucked in a sharp breath. “Rei, that’s…”

“That’s what?” My hands didn’t stop; I pushed his pants down, over the rise of his ass, over the bones of his hips, and finally, I pulled his cock free, sliding my thumb and forefinger around him in a ring.

“Oh, Rei! That’s—aah!”

The color was high in his cheeks, even before I sank to my knees in front of him. He covered his eyes with one hand, panting, his other hand on his hip.

“Makoto, look at me.”

“Rei,” he began, uncovering his eyes and looking down at me. “I can’t let you—“

I wrapped the rest of my hand around him and gave an experimental stroke. Makoto clapped his hand over his mouth, but he didn’t look away. I held his gaze as I lifted his cock and laid the flat of my tongue on the underside, licking one long swath up until I reached the tip. He pushed his hands through his hair, a low noise creaking out of his throat when I flicked my tongue across the slit and took him into my mouth.

“Rei, that’s too much… too much,” he moaned, his head falling back, breaking our eye contact. I pumped him with my hand as I worked over the head of his dick with my mouth. He was really quite vocal; the sound of my name in that voice had me feeling a little light-headed. He was leaking precum now; it connected my lips to his cock with threads of silver.

“Rei, that’s enough… I won’t last if you keep… if you keep… Rei, I can’t _think_ when you do that…”

Makoto stepped back, his erection bouncing, and crouched in front of me. He kissed me fully, soundly, pushing me back onto the futon, settling onto his side next to me. His fingers danced down my sides, teasing my skin into gooseflesh and swallowing my protests as he kissed me breathless.  When he positioned himself over me, leaning over me to kiss and tease my nipples, I was already fully erect.

His playful bites and the soft ghosting of his fingertips over my ribs had my back arching up off the futon, but Makoto was nothing if not goal-oriented. He hooked one finger inside the waistband of my boxers, tucking his knee behind my thighs. I lifted my legs obediently, and after making sure my dick wouldn’t get caught, he stripped my boxers off of me in one rough motion, flinging them over in the corner with the rest of our clothes.

His hands curved possessively over my hips, hauling me close. “Rei…”

“Makoto,” I responded, aching. I just wanted him to touch me. 

“Show me what you like.”

He wanted me to… masturbate in front of him?

His breath stirred my hair and between chaste kisses pressed to my temple and earlobe, he murmured, “Show me how to love you.”

I leaned over to the small cabinet that occupied the wall closest to us and pulled open the lowest drawer, taking out a small bottle and a condom, a leftover from a time when I thought Nagisa might visit me. Makoto eyed the packet thoughtfully and then smiled. I settled next to Makoto again, and he pulled me close, watching as I poured out a small amount of lube into my hand and then touched myself. The lube was still cold, but it was the sensation of finally touching my straining dick that made me moan in spite of myself.

Makoto watched me for a few moments, long enough to see the way I moved my wrist and tightened my fingers at the end. When he sat up, I stopped, looking at him, before moving my hand out of the way. His hand closed around me and I hissed, jerking my hips up into his firm grip. His slick fingers slid over me, his thumb sliding along the head of my cock. He’d figured out just what I liked from that short of an observation?

“Ma-Makoto,” I whined, my voice thin. He used his other hand to fondle my balls, massaging them while his dominant hand jerked me off.

“Mako…aah! You’re… that’s really good!” I managed, before biting my lip. My orgasm was building so quickly, faster than I really wanted it to.  I pressed my head back into the pillow, bucking my hips up into his hand.  My hands clenched against the futon; one found purchase in the blankets and I pulled at it, straining upward. My legs fell apart of their own accord and Makoto shifted to move between them.

“Oh… mmm…Makoto,” I bit out, “Stop—! Stop for a second.” His hand reluctantly paused and I made a grab for the foil packet.

 “Ah, Rei, that’s…” he said softly. “I’m…not ready for that yet.”

I sat up, reaching for him, but he gently deflected my hand. “No, I mean _I_ am not ready.”

 _He_ was not ready? What does that even mean? I didn’t examine it too closely; my erection was at the point where stopping was an option of last resort. “What do you need?”

“What can we do?”

I kissed his cheek and then the corner of his mouth. “Would you be okay with just my thighs?”  

Makoto looked at me blankly. “Your—“

“Here,” I said, picking up the bottle and pouring out another small amount of lube.  He groaned as I wrapped my hand around his dick, spreading the lube along his length. I laid back down on the futon and wiped my hand on the inside of my thighs and scooted down until my ass rested against him.

“Rei, this—“ He actually looked worried, until I inched down and closed my thighs around his cock. I left my legs leaning against his chest, my ankles hooked together over his shoulder.

“Move,” I breathed, eager to see his face.

His first thrust was tentative and unsure, but I saw the moment realization dawned. His eyes widened and he looked down at me, a mixture of excitement and lust on his face. His second thrust was quicker and his breathing caught in a throaty growl. He wrapped his arms around my legs, pinning them together and began to fuck me.

The rhythm of his thrusts was measured and powerful, not unlike his backstroke. His movements against me set up a sway in my blood, like the motion of waves. I reached down, stroking my cock lazily. I was still so excited from before that I might have finished without too much more effort applied, but I wanted to make it last. The view from here was amazing.

Makoto’s skin was damp; it shone in the fluorescent light, and the bottoms of my legs slid against his chest as he moved. His lips were open as he panted, and he clenched his teeth at times, the muscle in his jaw tensing. His hair was in his eyes. He watched me through half-closed lashes, his green eyes darting from my face down to my hand and then back up again.  He was magnificent, every part of him, from the small whimpers that ended his breaths, to the sex flush that was blooming on his chest.

“Rei, you…” he seemed to struggle with keeping his eyes on me; they wanted to roll back in his head. “You look incredible like that.”

“I was going to say the same thing.”  

Makoto stumbled in his rhythm and he grunted briefly before resuming, faster. I looked down at where his cock slid between my thighs, his slit winking at me as he pushed forward and pulled back. I tightened my hand around my dick, jerking myself off again. I was so sensitive, so close to coming that it wouldn’t take me long at all. And rather than keep my mouth shut, as I would have done on my own, I let myself voice my excitement.

“Makoto, I’m —I’m really close…”

“Rei…!” His hips faltered again and a strangled noise broke past his lips.

“Makoto—aah! Mako—to !!” My cock jumped in my hand, splattering cum across my stomach. I mewled and keened as I came, and I heard Makoto’s voice begin to rise in pitch, straining. He faltered again, his thrusting wild and erratic. A low growl haunted his ragged breaths and only a few moments later, it grew into a roar.

“REI!!” He pressed his hips against the backs of my thighs as he came, painting my softening cock and lower stomach with semen. I couldn’t hide a smile at the feel of his erection twitching between my legs.

“Rei, Rei…” He murmured my name again, raining kisses on my ankles.  We stayed like that for a moment before he unclenched his arms from around my legs and moved to lay next to me on the futon.

“Could you—?” I motioned toward the box of tissues behind him.

“Ah, sure,” he said, snatching a few and helping me mop up the congealing mess on my stomach.

Cleaned up, I scooted closer to him; he let me keep the pillow, resting his head on his arm, a drowsy, gentle look on his face.  I smiled even more broadly. “You make an erotic face when you come, Makoto.”

He blushed, reaching up one hand to hide his face. I chuckled and pried his fingers away. “I thought it was beautiful.”

Makoto covered my hand with his and kissed my palm before hauling me against him and kissing the top of my head. “I missed my train,” he said softly.

“Would you like to stay the night?”

He blinked. “Is that okay?”

“Of course it is.” I sat up, standing up and stretching out my legs. They’d gotten a little cramped from being held so tightly, but that would work itself out. “I’m going to get a shower, I think.”

“I’ll wash your back, if you want.”

It was easy to slip into this kind of situation with him, just minutes after we’d consummated our relationship. He rose with an easy grace, following me into the bath and sitting behind me as I turned on the hand-shower and soaked myself.

“Why do you even have two stools in here if you live alone?”

It was a genuine question, but I hesitated over the answer. “I got them when I moved in. I thought Nagisa might—“

“Ah,” he said good-naturedly. “But he never visited?”

“No,” I said, scrubbing soap into my skin and then passing him the nylon washcloth.  “Couldn’t be helped. His new job was taking a lot out of him.”

Makoto chuckled. “I’m glad he was doing well the last time you talked to him.”

Nearly six months ago had been the last time I’d talked to Nagisa. I hadn’t talked to Haruka for even longer. Hadn’t been home in a year. As much as I liked university, I missed Iwami-cho. I missed having close friends, and yes, a lover. But Makoto was here with me now and I didn’t need to go looking for the feeling of home that I missed. Quite by accident, it had found me. 

After our shower, I turned off the space heater and crawled into the futon. Makoto scooted in on the other side, pressing his chest to my back and tucking his knees behind mine. We dozed, warm and drowsy together, our breathing synchronizing and evening out.

“Oh, Rei?”

“Hn?” I was mostly asleep by that point, but I felt his arm curl around my waist and I moved my hand to cover his. 

“Your birthday is in a few days, isn’t it?”

“Hmm?” I frowned. “Yeah, it’s on the fourteenth.”

“Do you want to do anything?”  He kissed my shoulder. 

“I hadn’t thought about it.”

“Well, think about it,” he murmured against my neck. “I’d be a bad boyfriend if I missed it.”

A boyfriend. A lover. A friend. He was all of these things to me now. He filled a space in my life I had been telling myself wasn’t empty. I squeezed his hand gently. “Okay.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> The critter Rei is speaking of in the yakiniku restaurant is Deinococcus radiodurans. D. radiodurans is a fascinating little bug. I did some initial work in my undergrad years on radioactive bioremediation and it struck me that this kind of work might be something that Rei could be interested in. As far as I know, geneticists has not yet been effective in giving D. radiodurans the ability to immobilize all the uranium ions, but as I recall, there were a few good candidate species that had relevant genes. 
> 
> This work is written so that it may stand alone as a one-shot, but I have ideas as to how their story could continue. Time will tell whether I am able to write any continuation. If I don't continue this, I hope you have enjoyed it. 
> 
> my tumblr: tigerine.tumblr.com  
> tracked tags: #tourmalineundine, #tigerine  
> feel free to send me an ask; I love talking to people!


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